When parents find themselves in a situation where their struggling teen does not respond to any attempts for help through local resources, the option of residential placement becomes a real possibility. When a parent gets to this place, sometimes there is time to do the proper amount of research to make sure a good placement decision is made. At other times, the family is in such a crisis that a decision must be made almost immediately. When a family is in a crisis, adequate research is out of the question.
To parents who are facing a crisis situation where a decision has to be made very quickly, I give them this advice.
Work with and listen to professionals that you trust both mentally and emotionally.
Work with a therapist or doctor who has convinced you he/she really understands the problems and needs of both your child and the family–someone in whom you have confidence!
When selecting a professional, trust the person, not the credentials. All too often I have worked with parents who tell me they did something that didn’t make sense to them, but that was the advice of the therapist. Or, they felt the professional was just catgorizing them and not concerned with their individual family and child uniqueness, but the parent did not act on their vague sense of discomfort. Or, they listened to the advice of a friend who had good results at a particular program for their friend’s child. In making a placement decision, the parent needs to work with a knowledgable experienced professional, selecting the one with whom they feel comfortable, one who talks like they have a good understanding of the both the child’s problems and that of the family.
The same goes for an educational consultant. The parent should feel comfortable with that person also, based on the consultant’s ability to reassure the parent they have a good sense of the child’s needs, and have an extensive knowledge of the variety of residential choice available to the parent.
Also, the parent should remember that each professional is limited by their speciality. A therapist might be great at counseling, but usually does not have the time to be aware of all the choices of residential programs available to parents. In the same way, a program staff might be great at working with children, but might know of only a very few other programs. At the same time, a good Independent Educational Consultant might be very aware of all kinds of schools and programs with little or no experience at providing therapy. Each has their strengths, and the parent must remember to give most credence to the professional’s strengths, and choose the advice to listen to.
The parent is in the driver’s seat, and that’s why we refer to them as private parent-choice schools and programs. The parent needs to listen to the professional’s area of expertise, but discount it when the professional is out of his/her area of expertise. Again, I’ve talked with numerous parents who have acted on placement advice from a therapist, or have accepted a suggested diagnosis from a person who presents themselves as an educational consultant. All too often the result is a failed placement with the consequence of costs in money and emotional turmoil.
This advice will help in all cases when the parent is considering residential placement for their child. That is, work with experienced and credentialed professionals, emphasize the person rather than just the credentials, listening to their professional strengths and discounting their remarks into other areas in which they are not as competent.
The same still applies when a parent has the luxury of time to do adequate research. But with the extra time, the parent can dig much deeper into the quality of suggested schools or programs and provide a kind of second opinion. There have been many checklists of items parents should check out regarding any possible placement. In general I have seen these checklists as so time consuming they are impractical, considering the turmoil or concerns the parent might also be dealing with at the time. However, for a full list, one of the best I’ve seen has been developed by Jeffrey Brain, a Certified Educational Planner with the Family Foundation School in New York.
If a parent has the time to do detailed research and make a campus visit before making a placement decision, this list makes sense and his descriptions make clear the reason for each of the 36 suggestions. It also includes a brief description of the various levels of care that gives a framework so the parent can understand the basic differences between different types of schools and programs.
Parents are the real experts regarding their children. Professionals are there for the parents to take advantage of their expertise, not there to tell the parent what to do.
What do you think?
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